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GEEZUS episode 1
The first story of GEEZUS Episode 1 Mykull: It was Funday morning in the universe and Geezus was hung over he drank too much space water at a really GRATE party the night before but it was really very warm out, and bright and Geezus thought he should probably get up DOLLAN: lol space water Mykull: especially before his father came in and got a whiff of his terrible b.o. So Geezus got up, walked out on to his patio and realized he had done it "it" was probably not the best thing he could have done in fact "it" was on the list of 3 things his father told him never to do DOLLAN: uh oh Mykull: "Geezus, I'll tell you, there are 3 things you are never to do."' ' Sent at 1:38 PM on Monday Mykull: "...and the third thing you are never to do is create anything. It's just too much trouble "Well Geezus had done it, everything was there. I mean everything Except for a few things of course DOLLAN: lol this story is the best Mykull: The first thing on the list of a few things that weren't there happened to be animals. Everyone assumes that light was something that just had to be created, but it turns out that the one thing Geezus was good about was paying the cosmic electric bill. What he was not good about was holding his space water. And very quickly, and with force of at least 600,000 units of however you measure space time the space water smashed into the nearest rock this just happened to be our rock and fortunately, or unfortunately if you think about it too much, the cosmic vomit covered our rock and at that point nearly everything was there except now the animals were still not there but at this point Geezus became hungry, and so he left to go back into the kitche.' ' Sent at 1:42 PM on Monday Mykull: Geezus opened his refrigerator only to find that he had put his cereal there. This was a stupid thing to do because his cereal was cold. Geezus remembered it was a warm day, so he brought his cereal to the patio and held it towards the sun.This was also a bad idea, because Geezus was awful at holding things, which coincidentally is why they nailed him to the cross. The cereal tumbled out of Geezus' hand and onto the rock below. And you could bet this rock was our rock and now there was cereal everywhere. About this time Geezus' mother came by. She saw the everything everywhere that Geezus had accidentally made in some sort of drunken bid to obtain the greatest treasure of all. But instead of being upset that there was now an entire everything for someone to look aftershe was upset with the cereal that no littered our rock and she said to Geezus, "Young man, this is how you get ants! Do you want ants!?" Geezus was mostly speechless, but in a quite voice said, "No, I'll clean it up." But he wouldn't clean it up. Instead Geezus decided that he would make ants out of the cereal, because ants weren't actually floating through space the way they were back then. So he spoke in whatever dialect great deities happen to speak in and he said his sequence of words and poof all of the things that are here now were there then and Geezus was essentially pretty happy with is work excepting a few things like the platypus and the echidna But there was still a problem you see, Geezus had gotten rid of all of the cereal bits but the marshmallows, and those were bound to raise the ire of his mother so Geezus looked around and he remembered something he remembered that last night on his horrifying drunken bender at a party with many of the great deities he had gotten involved in a bet with Ra and Vishnu Ra had said "Geezus, you're easily the least powerful among us." Vishnu concurred "Do you even lift, bro?" Well Geezus, in a bid not to be outdone by Ra and Vishnu and more importantly to get his hands on the lady pecs of Ishtar made all of the everything DOLLAN: lol Mykull: except for the few things he had not made and so in that moment of brilliance Geezus granted the females of earth lady pecs from the marshmallows of his spilled cereal.